low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
