i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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