Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
he had hair everywhere except his balls
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
