You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
