Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
