I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
