I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
