I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
