Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
