Pappa wants mamma naked
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
