why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
