We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
