I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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