i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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