We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
