Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
