That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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