Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
