The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
