dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
