This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
