I will die if light touches me.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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