So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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