and you said cock pushups were impossible
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
