So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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