how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
