This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
