how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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