When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
