You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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