He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
