Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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