So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
