when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
