dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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