I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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