yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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