and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
