This is not my ceiling
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
