I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
