did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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