I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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