I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
