I will die if light touches me.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I need to align my fucking chakras
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
