wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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