Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
