how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Will exercising make me less horny?
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