if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
