its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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