A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
