dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
